((Nick Galifianakis for The Post))

Boyfriend mines past mistakes to fuel a cycle of shame

Carolyn Hax is away. The following first appeared June 10, 2012.

Dear Carolyn: I am dating a great guy — we get along well, have fun and care about each other a lot. We’ve been together four months.

At various points, mistakes I’ve made in my past have come up, and they really bother him. For example, I told him I drove drunk once and tried a nonaddictive drug. Both events took place a long time ago; I do not condone drunk driving and have never done it since, and don’t do any drugs or abuse substances at all today.

He continues to bring these instances up, however, as “hurdles” in thinking about my character and our relationship. He asks probing questions about the details, acts very cold and mean to me, and I walk away feeling horrible about myself.

Do past mistakes make my character permanently flawed? Do I need to think about these mistakes more than I do? How can I respond to his anger?

I feel like there are so many things I will never be able to share with him because he would judge me so severely. I also worry that I’m not good enough for him, and I don’t know what to do about it.

— C.

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