Okay to nag a huge favor out of mom, to help fretful mother-in-law? Dear Carolyn: Okay to nag a favor out of my mom to help my mother-in-law out? My husband and I always get a place at the shore for four weeks in the summer after the kids get out of school. I work from home so I am down here the whole time. He’s here Thursday night to Monday morning. My mom always stays with us to watch the kids while I’m working. Her boyfriend usually spends this time visiting with his grown sons. This year we invited my recently widowed mother-in-law to stay with us, too. Unfortunately, she and my mom have never really gotten along — they’re just very different people. My mom has been widowed for 20 years, travels extensively, teaches science at a city community college. My mother-in-law is a timid woman who was a stay-at-home mom and whose main social outlet is church. The first day, she annoyed my mom by asking for the umpteenth time if my mom’s boyfriend had proposed yet. Neither of them has any interest in marriage but my mother-in-law can’t accept that. She tries to sympathize with my mom over the situation, which just irritates my mom. During the past week, my mother-in-law was afraid something terrible was going to happen to “three women all alone with two children.” She’s a nervous wreck when my mom takes the kids to the beach and doesn’t want us walking to a restaurant for dinner, since we come home after dark. My mom has no patience for this and continues to live like she always did. I want to ask my mom’s boyfriend to join us so my mother-in-law can relax and enjoy herself like she does when my husband is here. My mom doesn’t want to indulge my mother-in-law’s paranoia but admits her boyfriend would come if she asked. Is it okay if I lean on my mom pretty hard to get this favor out of her? If I nag her enough this weekend, then I know she’ll give in. I hate seeing how miserable my mom-in-law is when she could be enjoying herself with a man here. It may be stupid and yes, we’ll be a little crowded, but that’s our reality. — At the Shore Carolyn’s been writing her advice column for two decades. Explore the archives below. | 
