((Nick Galifianakis for The Post))

Grandkid refuses visits till estranged relatives ‘clear the air’

Dear Carolyn: My eldest granddaughter is 27. I do not know her. When she was small, my son (my only child) and daughter-in-law had a laundry list of restrictions and rules in order to see their daughter. I complied as best I could but drew the line when they said that I could never let her meet or know about my twin sister because she is a lesbian.

My sister and I lived together at the time, though she has since died.

My granddaughter reached out on my birthday to ask if we could get to know each other. We met and she told me fantastically untrue and wild things her parents had said about me. I told her my version of the story and refuted the lies with facts. I asked if we could just move forward from now and see how we do? She insists we clear the air with her parents and all meet.

I’ve sent Christmas and birthday cards to my son and daughter-in-law all these years. I’ve called and left messages for my son. Nothing.

I’m wary of my granddaughter being a go-between and told her so. If my son wants to speak to me, then he will, right? I’ve made a lot of peace with my son and daughter-in-law having no relationship with me. I have no desire to be their punching bag again.

Or, am I just letting fear drive the bus, and should give it a go? By the by, my granddaughter is lovely.

— Anonymous

Introducing Say More, a new advice column from The Washington Post.

Column  Emily Morman Say More: We drifted apart 20 years ago. Now I want to tell my ex-friend why.

Carolyn’s been writing her advice column for two decades. Explore the archives below.