She’s bailing on her best friend’s birthday for her husband. Again. Hi, Carolyn: One of my best friends is turning 30 in September and hosting a big Dirty Thirty party. We’ve talked about this for years, she’s always wanted to have a big party, and we all know how important this is to her. Our other best friend lives in a different state but has said for years that she will be there, until today when she texted me and the birthday friend that she won’t be able to make it because it is her husband’s birthday as well, and the only time they can have a weekend without their baby, an adorable 1-year-old. She has bailed on each of our friend’s birthday parties for the last seven years because of her husband’s birthday — which I get, prioritizing your husband is super important — but she promised this would be the one she would come to. And now she bailed again. She’s claiming it’s more about getting a weekend alone without their baby, it’s the only weekend they can do it. I don’t really believe that, since she let us know two months before the party. Though my sister just had a baby and I totally get how it would be nice to get a weekend alone. Still, does it really have to be during the weekend we’ve talked about for years? I tried talking to her about it, but she got upset and just said I was making her feel guilty and she wanted to get off the phone. The other reason it is so hard to talk about it is that I hate her husband, and we have fought about it many times. So, she thinks I’m just hating on him and saying she shouldn’t put him first, when I’m just trying to get her to prioritize our friend on this important milestone since she has missed all the rest. Am I letting my hatred for him cloud my judgment, or is she being a bad friend? — Friend Introducing Say More, a new advice column from The Washington Post. Carolyn’s been writing her advice column for two decades. Explore the archives below. | 
