Brother’s anger is terrifying. Now his wife wants support. Dear Carolyn: My younger brother is married with two school-age children. Every time I go visit them, my sister-in-law buttonholes me with complaints about my brother. About how aggressively he speaks to her and how short his fuse is and how he talks like he’s a victim and no one appreciates him. I empathize with her. Nothing she’s telling me is wrong. My brother is the most aggressive person I know. I have never met anyone in my life who is as angry as he is. I am terrified to get into a fight with him. I never challenge him on anything because he will verbally cut down any challenger in an instant. I have been the object of his verbal abuse many times over the years, and I have watched as he has treated my sister-in-law with a sharpness and casual cruelty that make me ashamed of him. I really don’t know how to address this. I don’t want to broach the topic with him because I am scared of him — not for my physical safety, but for my emotional well-being. And because I am worried that if I confront him, he will cut off contact with my young nephews, whom I love and have a great relationship with. I suggested to my sister-in-law that she seek the advice of a family therapist, but I think she is worried about what might come out in therapy. And it doesn’t help that my brother thinks people who go to therapy are weak. The other day she asked me if I thought she had Stockholm syndrome. She clearly recognizes there is a problem with anger management in the household, but she is scared to surface it. My sister-in-law’s father treats her mother the same way. I am terrified that my sweet nephews will absorb my brother’s aggression or become the objects of his anger. Something needs to be done, but those of us who recognize that are all too scared to address it. — Anonymous Carolyn’s been writing her advice column for two decades. Explore the archives below. | 
