His post-retirement hobby? ‘Improving’ his kids’ homes unasked. Dear Carolyn: My husband has always been a very stubborn person and a workaholic. Due to restructuring at his company, he had to retire late last year, and it’s making him and the rest of the family crazy. He has no hobbies and never did anything but work long hours. The whole family has tried to get him to take up a number of hobbies, and our son-in-law’s father invited him to join his senior tai chi class. I suggested he volunteer at the library and food pantry like I do. He said that if those things were worth doing, someone would pay you to do them. To fill his time, he has started taking on projects at the homes of our grown children without their permission. For example, our daughter had been talking about installing a fire pit at their place, so he went over one day in the spring while they were out, chose the site, dug up the lawn and started prepping for it. Since that wasn’t the spot they had in mind, she and our son-in-law were really unhappy. He tried pruning some holly and yew bushes for our other daughter, but since he has no idea what he’s doing, it ended up looking terrible. She told him not to do that ever again, but he’s been back twice, scalping more of her shrubs. She’s furious. This week, he went over to our son’s house while he and our daughter-in-law were at work and started taking down the back deck that they intend to replace. He bought all the lumber and other things for the project, which he expects to be reimbursed for. When our son came home and saw what my husband had done, he flipped out. They weren’t ready to replace it yet, and they wanted to use engineered lumber, not pressure-treated wood. My husband just drove off while our son was still talking and came home ranting to me that our kids never appreciate anything he does. If I ask him not to do something for the kids without consulting them, he’ll say, “Okay, I won’t,” then turn around and do it anyway. Every time. Is there anything I can do to engage him in a better hobby before he alienates all our children? — Anonymous Introducing Say More, a new advice column from The Washington Post. Want more? Carolyn’s been writing her advice column for two decades. Explore the archives below. |
