Ex is back with us. I miss single parenthood. Give advice to this question.
Every week, we ask readers to think like an advice columnist and submit their advice to a question Carolyn Hax hasn’t answered.
Dear Carolyn: When does optimizing for my needs cross over into selfishness?
My ex-husband and I were married for less than two years, realized we’d made a terrible mistake and separated when I was four months pregnant with our daughter. We’ve shared custody for four years, and, if I may say so, we did a good job. She is well-loved, we are good communicators and the transitions were seamless. Then earlier this year, one thing led to another, and in June, we found ourselves “trying out” a new paradigm where he is now staying over several nights a week and we are living more like a family again. We are also sleeping together again. Early on, I started thinking of this as the beginning of reuniting as a family.
Now, here is my shameful secret: I miss being a single mom (with shared custody)! My daughter is delighted every day that she comes home from school and her dad is there. Whereas I have begun to sometimes feel like things are a little crowded around here. I was never making parenting decisions unilaterally — he and I had daily conversations about every aspect of her life — but there is a learning curve to being part of a nuclear family with two grownups at the helm.
Is this completely crazy and selfish? I want my daughter to have both her parents. It would be a dream if we ended up back together. Do my needs and wants have any place back in this conversation?
