Mom delivers final blow after a lifetime of disappointments Dear Carolyn: I’m pretty sure my mom would have chosen to be child-free, if that concept existed in the 1970s when she had me. Instead, as a schoolteacher, she faced a lot of social and professional pressure to be a mom herself. Now that I’ve been the ages she was when she raised me, I understand my childhood a lot better. She hated every part of raising me. She gave up a lot of personal freedom, financial security and much-needed introvert time (another concept that didn’t exist back then). As someone who became child-free myself (no surprise why), I feel a lot of sympathy for her. I already temper so many of my emotional expectations of her because of her circumstances. She doesn’t tell me she loves me, express any sort of parental pride, talk nostalgically about family memories, have any photos on display, etc. My husband and I buy her birthday and Christmas presents, pay for brunch on Mother’s Day, invite her over for weekly dinners and a movie, help her with her taxes and repairs around her house, but she doesn’t reciprocate any of this. She doesn’t even call me on my birthday, though I usually call her that week and she works a happy birthday in then. But there was one thing she was doing for us that mattered a lot to us: She would watch our pets while we went out of town, about four times per year. Now she is refusing to help anymore because she says it’s too disruptive to her life. It’s not a matter of age — she’s in extraordinary health. I think she thinks our trips are frivolous, and our pets don’t bring her any personal pleasure so she can’t see the point in doing it anymore. I’ve offered countless compromises, but she just wants to stop outright. We can totally afford to board our animals. But this was the ONE THING she was doing that seemed … generous? Caring? Above and beyond what acquaintances do for each other? I have to be honest — I am devastated by this. I already let her off the hook for so many things. I want to pull away, stop the presents and dinners, and just give up on calling this a mother-daughter relationship entirely. Am I wrong to make this the final straw? — Devastated Introducing Say More, a new advice column from The Washington Post. Carolyn’s been writing her advice column for two decades. Explore the archives below. | 
