Tell nephew and his greedy wife they’re barely in the will? Dear Carolyn: I lost my younger sister six months ago. Aside from my profound grief, I’m also dealing with redoing my will. I had planned to leave most of my estate to her. I always knew that meant most if not all of it might end up in her son’s hands, but there was nothing I could do about that. My nephew is a difficult person: quick to take offense with his mom, prone to long silences with her, which he’d break by vomiting out a long list of perceived grievances. My sister bore it all with extreme patience. His dad was a jerk who played cruel mind games with both of them, so I know it’s not entirely my nephew’s fault, but seeing him mistreat my sister when he ran after his emotionally abusive dad like a puppy was hard to take. His mom suggested therapy whenever he got fed up with his dad’s abuse, but he thinks therapy is “a scam.” He’s always been nice to me, but I believe that’s because of money. I paid for most of his college tuition and am generous at Christmas and his birthday. I love him, though he has serious issues. His wife, on the other hand, I loathe. She’s a greedy, conniving woman with abhorrent values whom he treats like gold. It kills me to see him lavish on her affection that my sister deserved but rarely got. I know from remarks they’ve made that they expect to inherit something substantial from me. I understand why, I have no closer relatives — but they’re not getting my hard-earned money. My plan now is to leave $1 million to my long-term life partner, who doesn’t need it or even want it, but he’s getting it, and the remaining (at this point) several million to various charities I volunteer for. My nephew, I’ll leave maybe $5,000, which he will promptly hand over to his wife. Of course, if I were to experience an expensive or lingering illness, this could all be moot, but I worry that my nephew will think my will is a message that I didn’t love him, which isn’t true. A bigger concern is that my nephew and his wife don’t seem to be saving anything for their son, I believe because they’re counting on an inheritance. Would it be kinder to let them know now that isn’t happening, even if it means he cuts all ties with me? I can live with that, but I really don’t want to be cruel to him. — Anonymous Introducing Say More, a new advice column from The Washington Post. Carolyn’s been writing her advice column for two decades. Explore the archives below. |
