Spouse and I had similar interests once. What happened? Give advice to this Hax question. Every week, we ask readers to think like an advice columnist and submit their advice to a question Carolyn Hax hasn’t answered. Dear Carolyn: How do I accept that my spouse’s interests and desires for formerly shared activities have changed? We bonded early on over the arts — think independent films, thoughtful books and tv series, museums, and occasional ballet and symphony attendance squeezed in somehow despite a limited budget. We were so similar in outlook, we used to joke that we’d married our twin! Over several decades, with the birth of our children, our priorities understandably shifted. But now, it seems the change is permanent. We still support each other’s solo individual pursuits, but our common interests have dwindled. Shared movies (rare) are hero action films or goofy comedies only. Spouse’s books have narrowed to spy or detective lit. Any attempt to share a deeply meaningful movie, documentary or TV series that I’ve discovered is met with “meh” on their part. Honestly, it’s painfully lonely. I sometimes feel like I don’t know who they are anymore, and that in a way, I’ve lost my best friend. Remember in the movie “The Break-up” when Jennifer Aniston says it’s not about whether Vince Vaughn loves the ballet, it’s that *the person that he loves* loves the ballet? She’s willing to do his stuff, and wants him to *want* to do her stuff, too, just for her sake. (Oof. No notes.) Fruitlessly begging them to sit next to me to experience something meaningful that they claim they used to but no longer enjoys would diminish it for me and not bring us any closer. In other respects, they have been a good partner and parent over the years. How do I reframe this to get over my sadness about this change? — Baby Wanted 12 Lemons, Got 3 Introducing Say More, a new advice column from The Washington Post. Carolyn’s been writing her advice column for two decades. Explore the archives below. | 
