How to stop in-laws from making everyone’s plans without asking? Hi, Carolyn: My new in-laws are lovely people, and I enjoy spending time with them. However, they have a tendency to simply tell my spouse and me where and when we’re gathering. For example, “This is the weekend we are going to celebrate Mom’s birthday,” without asking if it works for us, even though it requires us to plan and book travel. Last week, they told us where and when they had planned a family trip for next year. We had been on our honeymoon when they made this decision and were not consulted. When we were just dating, I went along with it, though I told my now-spouse that I didn’t love it. Now that I’m permanently in the picture, I feel strongly that we should have a say in where and how we spend our time (and money). My spouse’s sibling has small kids and a job that sometimes requires weekend work, so I understand they have less flexibility than we do right now. However, we are still people with responsibilities, commitments, etc. Plus, we want to start our own family and want to set a better precedent before that happens. My spouse supports me in this and has agreed to take the lead in this discussion, but I’d love some advice for how to go about changing the current dynamic. — Newlywed Carolyn’s been writing her advice column for two decades. Explore the archives below. |
